He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
