who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
her facebook's as public as her vagina
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
