im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
