No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It's blow job season.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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