We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize