holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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