Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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