My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
