Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
