I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
