Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
