malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize