No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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