R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
