You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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