Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
