She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We were destined to go to rehab together
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
