don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
