Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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