I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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