I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
