Already got asked if we're dating
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
