yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
