i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
