I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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