im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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