i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
