Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
