I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
