Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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