MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
as a side note pls kill me
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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