He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
how does that bad decision feel?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
