tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
