Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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