shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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