the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i drank out of a bidet.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
