You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
