I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Tell her she can't have a vagina
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
