I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
