honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I enjoy the company of your penis
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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