On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The air was thick with penises
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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