I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
