I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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