did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
