So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
