You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
