I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
