i think my tv is drunk
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
