2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
