I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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