so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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