i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
