that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Randomize