hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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