Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Randomize
