I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize