He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
