Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
