I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
