You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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