I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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