im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
our cab driver is having phone sex.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
