do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
