Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize