Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
