it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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