he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
