I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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