God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
