one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
