What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
