i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize