Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
