I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
