I just threw up on my dentist
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
