do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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