I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize