Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Randomize
