For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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